What would you have done?

Read time: 7 min 14 sec

Whatup Reader!

Right of the bat, that subject line is a rhetorical question.

Not because I don’t want to hear from you, but because answering said question isn’t the point of this email.

In order to get to the point, allow me to lay the foundation and give you the backstory.

This past Sunday while taking Moose on her morning walk, I saw a man who looked to be in his late 50s, standing on the outside of the chain-link fence that encloses the baseball fields at the local park, talking to a boy who looked to be about 9.

The boy was alone in the field, kicking a soccer ball back and forth, doing the not-so-impressive moves that you would expect a 9-year-old to do.

From a distance the interaction didn’t look right, from up close the interaction didn’t sound right, so I stopped about 25 feet from where they were and just stood and watched and allowed my presence to be noticed.

When that didn’t change anything, I flagged down a man who was exercising at the other end of the fence and alerted him to what was going on. He agreed that it looked weird and walked over to where the two were talking hoping that it would end the encounter.

Spoiler, it didn’t.

Perhaps you’re reading this thinking, “I would have called the police!”

Alright, that’s cool. And that thought starts to get at the point of this email.

Mr. Exercise walked back over to where I was standing and said that he would keep doing laps next to the kid and keep an eye on things.

This meant that the older man was on the outside of the 15+ foot-high fence, the kid was on the inside of the fence, and Mr. Exercise would be walking right next to them, on the kid’s side of the fence.

Unsure of what more I could do, I thanked Mr. Exercise for his diligence and walked off to complete the second half of the loop I do with Moose.

I made it to the end of the block and my gut was all, “This ain’t right. Walk back around and if that old man is still there talking to the kid, you have to go over and say something.”

So, I walked back around, and that fucking old man was still there talking to the boy through the fence. Mr. Exercise was still there, and still very much keeping guard, but the older man had moved toward the west side of the fence, close to the opening where you actually enter the field.

As I was walking over, I saw Mr. Exercise approach the boy and ask if he was ok, to which the boy said yes. It looked like Mr. Exercise then told the older man to scram, but the older man seemed to play dumb and didn’t move from where he was standing.

So, I walked over to the fence, hoping that having Moose with me would make the situation seem friendlier to the kid.

The conversation went something like this:

“Hey! What’s up? Do you know this man?”
“Yes.”
“Is he your friend?”
“Yeah.”
“Is he bothering you?”
“No.”
“Ok. I’ll just be over here if you need anything.”

By this time, the older man was inside of the fence, on the same side as the boy, about 15 ft away from him. Just standing there, looking non-threatening, but fully out of place.

Perhaps you’re wondering why I didn’t confront the man.

This continues to get at the point of this email.

I’m a 5’6, 124 lb female. While the older man was far from a physical specimen, physical intimidation was not my hand to play. And honestly, that hadn’t worked for Mr. Exercise. My focus was the kid. No, I didn’t take a video or a picture of the man. Again, my focus was on the kid, and getting him away from that old man.

I could see that the kid didn’t really trust me, and that he clearly didn’t see the older man for the threat that he was, so I scanned the playground area for someone I thought he might trust. Yes, this was all going down right next to a bustling playground, at 10am on a Sunday.

I immediately saw a mom with a stroller.

Nope.

No way was I going to ask her to go put herself in sketchy situation.

Again, perhaps right now you’re wondering why I didn’t call the police.

In addition to the aforementioned personal description, I’m also Black, and masculine presenting.

The police have never been a source of safety for me.

To provide some context, I was mugged back when I lived in NYC, and during that experience the police did not prove to be an immediate source of help, by any means.

So, I continued to scan the playground area for help that would feel safe for all parties, and saw a family, a mom, dad, one kid with a mohawk helmet, (their other kid was on the playground), all sitting on a bench with a clear line of sight to the field.

I walked over, explained the situation, to which the dad said, “Actually, now that you mention it, I did see that man talking to the boy through the fence before.”

The mom was up in literally .2 seconds and speed walking over to where the older man and boy were, dad just a few steps behind, carrying the younger of their two kids.

When they got inside the fence, the dad asked the boy if he wanted to play soccer, the mom said something to the older man (I was too far away to hear), and a few moments later the man exited the field and shuffled away…to his car!

I threw in an exclamation point there because honestly, I thought the guy was homeless. He looked it.

When he got into the car I was honestly shocked, but I did manage to snap a picture of his license plate before he drove off.

Feel free to share it far and wide. And yes, I did call the police and give them the license place number when I got home.

What happened next is honestly a little bit hazy, and it would seem the whole thing shook me up quite a bit more than I realized in the moment. My whole focus was purely on getting that little boy away from that old man, and as soon as that happened my brain was like, “Ok you can go now.”

After the old man drove away, I walked over to thank the family for swooping in, and the dad, in full dad mode, said I deserved 2 million stars. I told the boy that he had a cool soccer ball, and then Moose and I walked home.

Before I left also thanked Mr. Exercise for his help, and he asked if I had gotten the license plate because he’s always at the park and would keep an eye out.

I have no idea if that family walked the boy home. I have no idea if that family told that boy not to talk to strangers. I have no idea if that family called that boy’s family. All I know is that that boy was safe from that old man. That is literally all my brain cared about and was focused on.

My point in sharing this story?

Well, more than anything else, puhlease teach your kids about stranger danger. Please.

My other point in sharing this is to ask that you please don’t let your fear of doing the “wrong” thing prevent you from doing something.

As you were reading this email, perhaps you were thinking that you would have done X or Y if you had been in that situation.

Awesome!

I will however say that we never really know how we’re going to react in a situation until we’re in that situation.

Additionally, how someone reacts in a situation is fully influenced by who that person is and all of the situations they’ve experienced leading up to that very moment. (This is my way of saying choose curiosity over judgement.)

All we can do when we’re in a situation, is all we can do.

From there we acquire more experiences, more information, and then if faced with a similar situation in the future, we have more tools to work with.

Again, please don’t let your fear of doing or saying the “wrong” thing prevent you from doing or saying something.

Something will always be more than nothing.

Big thank you for reading. I know this was a long one.

Maestro out.

Do the thing.