The Cure for Loneliness

Read time: 3 min 55 sec

Whatup Reader!

Is there actually a cure for loneliness? I have no idea. But I was willing to risk the borderline clickbait title because I do believe that what follows are some actual action items that you fine folks might find helpful.

Last week I shared a post that spoke to my belief that at the heart of most human action is an attempt to combat loneliness and feeling/being alone.

We can pathologize it (“That’s textbook attention-seeking behavior.”), demonize it (“She’s a ‘pick me’ girl.”), or idolize it (“She’s great at building community.”), but any way you slice it, it all comes down to an effort to combat the loneliness that still manages to exist despite the fact that there are 8 billion people on this planet.

8 billion.

Ya’ll know I love me some interwebs, and according to Statista, about 67.5% of the world’s population, or 5.52 billion people, have access to the internet. Of those 5.52 billion, about 5.22 billion (63.8% of the world’s population) are social media users.

That a shit ton of opportunity for connection, and yet, according to the American Psychiatric Association (yes, I did a whole bunch of Googling for this email), 30% of Americans aged 18-34 say they felt lonely every day or several times a week.

We’re running from it, we’re feeling it, what can we do about it?

Option one: Be willing to take the first step (or perhaps several steps) and attract what you wish to be surrounded by.

Listen, I realize that typing out those previous 20 words is exponentially easier than actually living into them, but it doesn’t change the truthfulness of the statement.

A social media example because ya’ll know I love it: You are never under any obligation to share things on social media, but with 5.52 billion people on it, you do have a pretty dope opportunity to send up a metaphorical bat signal and call in your peoples.

To that end, building community in this way absolutely requires courage.

Again, simple, not easy. Scary, but still true.

A second option and perhaps a lighter lift is simply reaching out to the folks who you know get "it" and sharing things with them. I for one have spent the last two weeks leaning on my people, and I’m big grateful for them. Yes, this option does require that you've done some version of option one and attracted these people.

A third option for combating loneliness, and something that I’ve also been diving into over the past two weeks, is reading.

And no, I’m not talking about doomscrolling, as momentarily cathartic as it can feel.

I’m gonna take a shortcut here, make things meta (has Zuck ruined that word for us?), and share a quote from James Baldwin (who I’ve been becoming besties with over the past two weeks):

“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive.”

I actually saw this quote last week in James Olivia’s stories, and it was an immediate hell yes.

I am no stranger to loneliness.

Growing up looking how I look, thinking how I think, experiencing life as I experience it, I often felt quite othered and alone. I believed that when I grew up I’d be able to find a bunch of people just like me, and that hope carried me through.

Three plus decades later I still do not find myself in a sea of people who look like me and experience life like me, but I’ve leaned in hard to the three things I discussed in this email (creating, connecting, consuming), and loneliness rarely pays me a visit. On the days he dares show up, I’ve got my people, I’ve got action item options, and of course I’ve got Rupert and Moose.

Two questions that help me during those infrequent visits that might help you:

Does no one understand me, or have I not given anyone the chance to understand me?
Am I the only one who thinks like this, or am I the only person I’ve shared my thoughts with?

Circling back to James Baldwin’s quote, when you read you absolutely learn that you’re not alone, which to me means that you can hack this system…by writing.

Before you tell me you’re not a writer, you already know that I’m speaking metaphorically and just encouraging you to express yourself and share your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, and experiences in whatever way works for you.

We’re out here finding comfort in the words of folks who are long gone (not that that is a bad thing), when we could also be finding comfort in folks who are living, breathing, and ready to do life with us.

We’ve got options.

Alrighty, that’s all for today.

Thanks for reading.

We're not going back.

Maestro out.

Do the thing.